Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we should paint friendship bongs
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