When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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