Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize