lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The air was thick with penises
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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