I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
