One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
