Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
