she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
50% drunk capacity currently
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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