About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PANTIES FOUND
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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