I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
