I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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