i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
