my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
