Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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