i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
