I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
