You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
