I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
