i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
