I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
