I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
