After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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