i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
