I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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