Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
