I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize