He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
