i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Will you blow on my dice?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His nipple licking is glorious
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