She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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