i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
there is glitter all over my balls
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