how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we're making bets on your personal life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
