Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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