i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
even my farts smell like vagina
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
