i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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