Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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