I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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