Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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