I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
