I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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