$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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