I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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