We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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