piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
