Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
