i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
