i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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