At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
