Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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