she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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