I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
