After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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