I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
