I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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