My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
