shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
