He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
