Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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