Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
