On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
