girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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