Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
