my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
