if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
