It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
