You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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