i just had sex bonerless
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
