not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize