I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
