I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
