dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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