Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
