You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
