what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
