We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
now i know why i became what i already was.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Randomize
