i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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