I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
