Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
