my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
